Wednesday, September 27, 2017

30 Days of Kink: Day 1: My Kinky Self

I've decided to give the 30 Days of Kink a go, although, they aren't going  to be consecutive. So here's day one for you. This is my kinky self.

In the land of kinky labels, I have a fairly extensive collection. It's a daunting list to rattle off in quick introductions and I usually just stick with slave/pet/little when I'm trying to be quick about it. I'm going to try and break the list down.

Submissive

I struggled over whether to tackle first between primal and submissive, as both of those color everything else, but I guess the best choice would be submissive, as that is a vital part of every other label. I have a rather submissive personality. I can be assertive if I'm annoyed, but I'm largely passive in most interactions. I'll usually cede to others in many interactions. Sometimes it can be a bit of a detriment, trying to please others to my own disadvantage. But, this is the first label I ever identified with, and even as I've gotten more specific about how that is expressed, it's still the umbrella under which everything else falls. With the right partner, it's an instantaneous response.

Primal

I added this one to my list a few years ago when I learned about what it was on Fetlife. Because the submissive aspect informs everything else, I identify as primal play. I'm under no illusion that I'm a predator. I'm about as scary as a fluffy duckling. However, I do enjoy wrestling and rough play with a partner, biting, scratching and all sorts of primal sex. Around others, it largely manifests itself in being able to feel dominant or submissive energies from people. Some people just feel one or the other to me, regardless of whatever label they identify with. I've met d-types who don't feel dominant, and I've met s-types who do. I have to say, that being able to sense dominant energy from a man plays a large part in my attraction. The primal aspect also shows up in forming opinions of people almost instantly, much like our animal pets do. I have encountered people I instantly dislike and I don't really have a reason at first. They just "smell funny" for lack of a better phrase. Of course, this works in the opposite too. I can instantly like a person without really knowing them, just from the vibes they put off.

Kitten

This one fits somewhat under the primal classification, and I think partly with the Little aspect. This isn't something I've really done much of, besides some small things in my most recent relationship. I mostly identify as a human primal, but I don't mind a bit of kitten play. I have cats. I love cats. Cats are awesome. Also, meowing is fun.

Masochist

I am a masochist through and through. I'm not a pain slut, by any means, but I enjoy pain. Spanking is my favorite. Within any dynamic I participate in, I would expect this to be an essential feature. I'd consider myself a middling masochist. I'm not a complete lightweight, but nor am I capable of handling the types of pain several of my friends seem to enjoy. I also enjoy some forms of mind fuckery and many aspects of force play, which I would consider to be aspects of the masochistic part of me. Those would be the kinds of emotional masochism I'm into. I am not, however, into humiliation and degradation.

Little

This is a rather new label for me. I've struggled with it, as it can be rather polarizing, and a lot of my experience with littles online has been less than, um...I dunno, appealing? I don't regress. I don't have an "age." The little part of me is not a separate entity. It's just another aspect of my personality that meshes with everything else. I enjoy coloring, cartoon movies, stuffies, and collecting toys like vintage Polly Pocket sets. But the little part is just the youthful parts of my personality. The desire to be cared for. The habit for cutesiness, although I refuse to do baby talk, as it annoys the shit out of me. Honestly, this is still an aspect I'm exploring, and I'm not sure I have a concrete concept of what this is for me yet.


Brat

I say I identify as a brat, although I hesitate to do so very often around others because of the general negative view of brats in general. However, as I've mentioned in other posts, my concept of brat is different. This is a form of play for me, a way to initiate certain types of play with a specific headspace. I make sure that my partner is cool with this, and if they tell me to knock it the fuck off, I will. And it never involves deliberate disobedience.


Slave

This was the second primary label I identified with before finally settling on pet. It's one of my primary labels. I fall into the Total Power Exchange/Total Authority Transfer (TPE/TAT) side of things fairly naturally in a relationship. I don't really think in terms of choice. I assume I don't have one unless explicitly stated. I have limits, but I try to only make things limits if I find them physically, psychologically, or spiritually damaging. If I have or use a safe word, it's more just a way of communicating a problem exists rather than indicating a full stop. When I first came into the scene, I was very much against being a slave. I was certain it wasn't something I wanted to be, but that was before I knew much about any of the labels available. The epiphany moment came when a friend said "You might as well just go ahead and call yourself a slave. You do everything he says anyway." And that's been part of my labeling since. I'm not high protocol at all. In fact, the primal side of me hates protocol, but obedience, service, force? Yeah, totally my thing.

Pet

This is my primary label and has been for about five years now. The definition I came up with five years ago, to paraphrase, was a type of slave, but with lots of physical affection and affection in general, including petting and cuddling, cute mannerisms, etc. I want to serve, but I also want to serve as a companion and an object of affection and care. I think pet still fits now, even with the addition of new labels. I feel that it's likely even more accurate now, as I think it conveys, at least to me, the ideas of slave, primal, and little all wrapped up in one neat little package. I have the concept of TPE, but also the ideas of primal and little in there as well. Although, I find I have to make sure and state that by pet, I don't mean that I want to walk around on all fours and eat exclusively from a cat bowl. I'm not that kind of pet, despite the kitten thing I mention above. I might do kitten play, but I don't identify as a kitten specifically. The other labels overshadow that entirely.

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